You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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