pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
