So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many bounce houses so little time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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