Sry I called you an 8
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
