kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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