eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
