Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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