WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
