Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
