i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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