I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
