Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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