I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
