He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
