you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
