I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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