i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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