Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
