I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
