thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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