there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A bitchslap is in order.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
