They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
