i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
