You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
