he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
