My brain says no but my pants say off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize