my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
