Pappa wants mamma naked
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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