Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
