Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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