dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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