i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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