he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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