Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
