hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
