You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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