Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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