You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
