My room smells like vodka and shame
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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