just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
