allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
