someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize