sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
