she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
