you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize