If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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