your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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