get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
