It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
