I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
