so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
