So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
