there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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