I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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