I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize