i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
