He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
