maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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