nutella sex= disaster
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
