listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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