I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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