He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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